Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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