I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
