I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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