The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
