She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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