Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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