WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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