Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
