Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
