HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My ass is underappreciated
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who died my cat blue again?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
