She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
