He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
