worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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