the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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