So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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