It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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