I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
