if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
