Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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