A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
