just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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