Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
