my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
