me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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