I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
