so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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