covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
