I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
