playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
