Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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