I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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