It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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