at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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