honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
