he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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