Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
