hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
