Umm I'm too high to move.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
