If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
