Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
