Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
