i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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