five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
