dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
