Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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