what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
