Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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