In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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