Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
