So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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