if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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