i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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