Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
