Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize