I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
