ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
