i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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