I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
