Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
