we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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