when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
