Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
