I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
