he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
