After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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