i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
