i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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