I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
