You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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